Need a laugh?

Just as hating the song "Christmas Shoes" is probably blasphemous; laughing hysterically at the song "She's having my baby," is probably equally as wrong. I have never in my life heard this song, but Andrew and I laughed until we were almost in tears tonight after randomly hearing this song on the radio tonight. I mean, we both totally agree with the sentiment of the words; but there is just something about the actual music and how he is singing that is just plain hilarious. Enjoy a good giggle on me!

Baby Smoak #5 is.........

Drumroll please! My brother and his family are welcoming a baby GIRL in late October/early November! I know my poor nephew was a bit sad he is continuing as the lone ranger in the male department (besides my brother that is), but as the wife to a man with 4 sisters; I can assure him all will be well. Andrew is still "all boy" (CP, 2005), but is also extremely sensitive and well-versed in all things "girly!" ha I love you Ethan, and Graeme will always be willing to spend some boy time with you! Congratulations Smoak Family!

Also, just a quick shout-out to my friends Leigh, Chase, and Natalie. Leigh and I are about 8ish weeks apart again, and she just found out they are welcoming a baby Boy! I am so excited for you guys as well.

Keep these sweet babies coming! HA

Meet Graeme's first love (besides his mommy! wink)

First of all, Happy Father's Day! I'm sure that we all say this; but it is fact that I live with one of the most incredible fathers I have ever known! We both have had amazing fathers as well, and are so thankful they are still influencing our lives and the lives of our children.

Graeme boy officially has a first love, our new dog, Rosemary! I am still not sure how or when I agreed to this (wink), but I actually really like her. She is a bloodhound that Ceilidh calls, "Rosemary, the bloodhound" and Graeme calls, "Hound." Ha Ceilidh actually named her for Rosemary St. in Chapel Hill as well as her preschool teacher this last year. She is SUPER sweet and LOVES the children. I mean loves them to the point she will run around the house and pick up their scent outside of room they are in. Tonight she ran around to their window after they were in bed and just sat there. Both of them, but especially Graeme equally love her back. He talks about her ALL the time, and begs Andrew "Get out cage, Dada!" She is already a beloved family member!

Ceilidh attended her second dance camp this week. I was SO proud of her. She loves dancing, and she was such a good listener even when Mommy was her teacher!

"Duck walks"

"Lemon Drops"

I couldn't resist this picture. ha My shower through the years has looked much the same. I have to admit I shed a tear as I stood handwashing these sweet little tights. If she decides to never dance again, I would be totally fine. I love that we share this love of dance at the moment though!

There is something about a name

I debated all of yesterday whether I wanted to post about June 16th or not. It is a day that will forever be etched in my memory. I was finishing up a dance camp that week and received a text message that stated, "We lost Miles today." I can remember the gut wrenching, literal physical heart pains and palpitations I experienced sitting there in my car in downtown Southern Pines.

Thankfully there haven't been too many times in my life when I have felt physical pain or illness from a non-physical stimulus; but it immediately took me back to September 20th, 2008. I knew the instant the OB placed the ultrasound wand on my stomach, something was wrong. She had a sudden look of deep interest/concern; and immediately I felt uneasy. I think I was still in shock that Kenan didn't have a heartbeat the rest of the appointment. That whole appointment is a fog now.... mostly. I was numb, that is until I walked out of the office. Ceilidh was young and getting restless as we were having to discuss issues with the OB, so Andrew took her outside while I was waiting on some paperwork. As I said, still numb; I walk outside to find my warrior, my manlier than manly husband, hunched over into the inside of our car heaving. Everything hit me like a ton of bricks in that moment. I went from being numb, to physically being nauseous with internal emotional hysterics.

I wouldn't wish this pain, horrible horrible pain on anyone. That is why June 16th, 2010 was so hard. I prayed, begged, wished, and hoped that our friends would not have to experience this same scenario. Little Miles had been such a warrior for 4 months through several surgeries and procedures. His sweet momma is still one of the bravest women I know. She never left his side. Literally, never left. I communicated with her through texts and voicemail for four months b/c she wanted to be with him 24/7. Though there is no degree of torture for parents who have lost babies, I can only imagine how much more there would be to process if we had gotten to see and love Kenan outside of the womb for four months.

This incredible mother has become one of my dearest friends over the last year as she has let me enter into her grief alongside of her. And though that sounds strange even to myself, I am honored she has chosen to be so vulnerable with me. I love her courage, I love her depth, I love her honesty, I love her, and I love our friendship. So I write this today to honor her as well as Miles. As I told her yesterday, I say (write) his name treading lightly. There is a heaviness, even a sacredness if I may, about speaking a dead child's name. At the same time, one of a parent's biggest fears is that their child will be forgotten. So we boldly speak of Miles in our house, and always will. Though things are different now, we will always speak boldly of you Miles, and we will never forget how your life affected so many others; including ours.

Excuse the video... we don't know these people. This was the only place I could find the song.

I'm bragging

Though my husband will think this is blasphemy, Mister Rogers was just not that entertaining this morning. So, for the second post this morning, I simply leave you with a quote. After a thrilling conversation with a woman last weekend at a baby shower, I got the itch to read Ina May's "Guide to Childbirth" again. I loved this book when I read it before Ceilidh was born, and I wanted to reread it with a more "experienced" outlook. Andrew and I have a few theories about labor and delivery for someone who has lost a previous child, especially if the baby was born not living. More on that later....

One of my favorite all-time quotes: "There is no other organ quite like the uterus. If men had such an organ, they would brag about it. So should we."

Only because you are cute.....

I love my babies. I love them every second of everyday. The last couple of mornings though, I have had to remind myself WAY too early in the morning why I love Graeme! HA Just kidding (at least about the reminders, NOT the too early part)! Since I have been awake for, oh an hour already, I will share two insanely adorable things that Graeme has been doing recently to make being awake a little more bearable! ha

He is O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D. with his father! It is a sweet and heartwarming thing. "Dada" is never far from his mind or his lips. If G can help it, Andrew is never physically far either! wink Anyway, he has figured out that Andrew is home from work after he wakes up from his nap. My smart cutie also knows that after lunch, he takes a nap. Some time last week, Graeme began running to the table for lunch screaming, "Eat, night night, Dada home!" After lunch, which one day he completely stopped eating and begged to go to bed; he runs to the rocking chair with a book to get the nap process rolling! I mean, have you EVER heard of a kid begging to take a nap?! He DID NOT learn this from his sister! ha He has repeated this same scene for the last week or so, telling me the whole time; "Night night, Dada home!"

To make my mornings a little sweeter (I'm not a morning person! ha), Graeme shows me a little love as well. When he wakes up, I generally bring him to bed with us for a few minutes before I "really" wake up. Being preggo makes a bathroom pit stop necessary before I jump back in bed. As soon as I put Graeme in our bed with a book, he asks for the "cova" (covers) and starts patting my pillow saying, "Momma, bed." Make my heart turn to mush, why don't you?! Even if it is too early for my liking, being asked to snuggle in bed for a few minutes is a great way to wake up!

Favorites

I feel as though my mind has been in ten million different directions the last couple of weeks. Anticipation of births, shared grief over lost children, life transitions, finances, jobs, homes, and on and on. I can't seem to organize any of those thoughts that would make sense to anyone other than Andrew (and even he is questionable at times! ha); but I do know a few things that I have been able to simply "enjoy" the last couple of weeks.

I LOVE hydrangeas and irises. Wouldn't you know that we have both in our yard now!?

The random wild turkey that wandered through our yard the other morning.

These two "proud of myself" smiles!

Thanks Aunt Lauren for a fun quiet time activity!

Our view in the evening

"Country" living

Our favorite cow on our walking route....

For some reason, bales of hay sitting in a field are really tranquil to me.

Good friends

Good friends, reminiscing, and babies

Fake sleeping

This sweet face

Realization that mommy is taking pictures during our bedtime routine

Watching this unfold every night at bedtime. Absolutely, my hands-down favorite time of the day!