Tired....and a little bit of vulnerability

I am tired. Completely and utterly tired in every sense of the word... physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I have had a pretty rough week and a half. I know everyone has these periods in life, but sometimes I just have to be honest about them. Jane had a fever ranging from 101 - 103 for a solid three days at the end of last week. She has been waking up literally (not exaggerating, ask Andrew) every two hours during the night for the last 3 weeks. I have no idea what is wrong. I can't blame teething... she gets tylenol and teething tablets when that is the obvious ailment. She has been thoroughly checked over by the doctor. Let's just say, I don't look forward to bedtime anymore. ha

We are really struggling with some behavioral issues with both Ceilidh and Graeme, but specifically with G-man. I remember having many of the same issues with Ceilidh at about this age, but he has been a bit tougher b/c his aggression is 10X what hers was. I am constantly losing patience and letting my frustration get the better of me b/c it is literally from sun-up until after bedtime (they share a room), that we are directing and disciplining certain behaviors and attitudes. There is no break. frown

We got in a very minor fender bender Sunday morning on the way to church; which just adds to the "to do list." Not to mention the crappiness of having to dole out hundreds of dollars for repairs. On top of all this, I had an extremely hurtful conversation with someone I have known for a while that attacked my personal integrity and left me feeling completely deflated. It would have been painful enough for anyone, but especially for such a people pleaser as myself. This is one area where I struggle so much; and I know it. It isn't good. I can hear and know, and for real know, my identity is in Christ and Christ alone. But I still struggle with what people think of me. I envy so much the people I know that are so sure in this area...... um, people like my husband. wink I am secure in who I am in the sense that I don't waver to fit the crowd, or try to fit in. I am who I am.... but I could worry myself sick over what you think of the person I am. Even writing it sounds so foolish, but for some reason; the devil can definitely stake ground in my life, in this area.

So... I have no idea why I write this today other than to share this song. I know it is exceptionally long, but it is SOOOOOO worth it. These artists are two of my favorite for many reasons, but this song has been a war cry for my heart over the last couple of years. The whole song is amazing, but if you don't have time to listen to the whole thing; make sure you run to the part where Melissa starts singing. This entire video is actually ad lib. They had written the song, and the Holy Spirit took over their recording session and they literally sang for 11 minutes! ha

How I need to hear this on repeat, every second of every day. "I'm breaking off the shame. I'm breaking off the fear. You are breaking off the disappointment of the seasons, when I thought you'd left me. I can see your hand reaching out over me, and I can hear your voice; I'm never gonna leave, I'm never gonna leave, I'm never gonna leave..."