No Eloquence

What did Andrew and I say to one another last September 20th? Not very much. We cried together, held each other, drove to Chapel Hill, and ate pretty much in silence. I don't think either one of us knew what to say, or wanted to say anything... we just wanted to be together. Last September 22nd, we found ourselves in a roller coaster of emotions from hope, to physical pain, to emotional grief starting at 5:45 that morning.

Throughout this last year, I have learned more and more to be ok with how I feel. It doesn't make me a better Christian to say, "I'm fine." It is comforting to know Kenan is missing the hurt of this world; but some days I still want him here. Some days I'm not ok with him being in Heaven, and God still loves me even on those days. I am not a very eloquent speaker as it is, but I definitely don't have any great word today. I didn't last year, and I might not next year. And I'm ok with that.

I praise God that he promises me himself, but that is it. He doesn't promise us any more than that; not a easy life, not a "good" life, not even earthly life period. He promises us himself- and I am trying to learn to be ok with that. Hopefully I will someday crave that.


November 2008- The day we spread his ashes


September 21st, 2009 Our Family


Kenan's Tree - I wish I was commenting on how much our 7 month had grown, and not the tree where his ashes are scattered. But nonetheless, it really has grown quite a bit.