This year again, we are in full swing of celebrating a life and honoring/grieving the loss of another. My birthday is the 17th, baby C's due date is the 19th, Kenan's delivery date is the 22nd, and Graeme's birthday is the 29th. I am not too terribly worried about baby waiting for G's bday; but I am getting a little anxious about the 22nd. I know there could be redeeming factors of this baby being born on the 2nd, but I really don't want her to be. I desperately want Kenan to be able to keep "his" day. I know that sounds ridiculous; but I feel as if that is one of the only things he was tangibly given in this world. I know he is probably better off not knowing this world, but I feel I still need him to be anchored to us and this physical world in some way. His delivery date and his tree are all we have. Obviously I have no control of this situation, but I am really hoping God honors that request. Most importantly that Baby #4 arrives safely, but also that she comes on any other day than the 22nd. I guess ~3 weeks will tell!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
September... you are here again
In all of our life's craziness, I have not even let myself realize that tomorrow is September 1st. TOMORROW = SEPTEMBER! I could probably write "ditto" to a few posts I have written before; b/c I am beginning to realize I will always feel this way about September. We definitely have a love/hate relationship. I love September for birthdays and the beginning of Fall. I hate the anticipation of September 22nd and reliving the worst day of my life.
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3 comments:
Oh, September. So many emotions at once. I've been thinking of you especially as September gets here. It will always be Kenan's day no matter what, and he deserves oh so much more. I hate it that you even have to worry about sharing the day...actually, now that I think of it, it's just another sign of how you're such a good mother to ALL FOUR of your children and continue to love and worry about Kenan even with him in heaven. That's something to cry and smile about, I think. If only the world were as it should be with all of our children here with us.
LOVE YOU!
September is so bittersweet and I think you are completely justified in your feelings. No matter what I love you, all of you, and while I hold you in my heart all year long I squeeze on a little tighter this month. I am so looking forward to baby girl's arrival!
Thanks for your kind words ladies. I love you both!
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